HELP, MY WIFE DOES NOT LOVE ME!!!

Dear Agony Aunt,

I write this, out of deep frustration, despair and irritation at this unpleasant vortex in which I find myself. I am a married man. That ordinarily should be good news, for marriage is a beautiful experience which is usually characterized by bliss, joy and harmony. It is a life-long union in which each party should serve as a pillar of strength and love for the other. This, however is not the case for me,for though I am a married man, my soul is sorely vexed with displeasure at the woman I call my wife. My heart aches deep within me, for I am, like many others, a party to an unhappy marriage that seems to be headed for the rocks. I am a man for whom the bliss of marriage has been transformed into a living hell, and these nuptial knots have become chains of angst and pain.

I love my wife, or at least I'd like to convince myself that I do. My marriage is the biggest source of pain for me these days, seeing how sour it has become. It is no longer the joyful period in the life of a man which it should be. For me, nothing seems to be going right in this excuse for a marriage in which I have found myself trapped. Agony, if I had known it would be this bad, I'd rather have ignored everyone's opinion and remained a bachelor for the rest of my life. It may seem extreme to you, but that is exactly how I feel at this moment.

I am married to a woman who seems not to care in the slightest bit about my feelings; she, as it were, ignores me. She seems to have no iota of love, for me, and seems to just be tolerating me. She pays no attention to my needs and desires. She cares little about my dreams, hopes and aspirations. My future is not exactly her favorite topic, and she never makes any effort to conceal that fact. Now, it may appear as if I’m just going on about my worries and fears, but the picture I am painting is grossly downplayed, such that all the high-colors of pain and anguish are not even being exactly portrayed.

My heart hurts, yes it does. It palpitates with severe aches; aches sprouting from my fears for my spouse and the relationship we have. I'd say treasure all we share, but the premium I place on our union is not in any way being mirrored by this woman to whom I'm married. For instance, she is absolutely indifferent about my current jobless, suspended state – no viable employment or profitable engagement, and she switches the issue every time I bring it up. I know she can help out, but she has not even pretended to be helping out, and that speaks volumes.

That is bad enough, but the way she treats my friends and relations leaves so much to be desired. My brother in Port-Harcourt complains frequently about her unkind behavior towards him, and he has already taken his complaints to another level; employing violence to protest and show his disenchantment with the way she behaves. Even my aged mother – who surprisingly is not even troublesome anymore – seems to be silently enduring all her uncouth manners, for she always declines to comment whenever anyone comes up with the topic of my wife’s badly irresponsible behavior.

Agony Aunt, it appears that this woman does not love me anymore - she probably never did - even though we happen to be legally married and still live together. My father foisted this woman on me, though I must admit (she is aware, too) that if only I was firmer and more deliberate with my objection to the marriage, we wouldn't be married. It is annoying beyond measure that the same man who forced her on me now seems to be silent about misbehavior. Hell, that's in the past, I was wrong, but what can I do?I have been advised to take a new wife to replace her (I plan to do so soon anyway), but what difference will that make? How am I certain that the new wife will not be as bad, if not worse than this lady with whom I currently reside (it hurts me to refer to her as my wife)?

This woman is inhumanly obdurate when it comes to expressing her views on any issue on which we have differing opinions. My wife, who is supposed to be submissive to me, her husband and crowning jewel, is practically now my boss. At times I wonder what happened to the vows she made on our wedding day at the Eagle Square. She either gets her way, or leaves me to my own devices, paying no heed to at all to me or my wishes. Worst of all, she has totally abandoned her wifely duties; she doesn’t cook my meals anymore so I have to eat out (usually I just send Emeka, my younger brother to purchase food from the food-seller across the road). This is the only option I'm left with, seeing as she has completely abandoned her role as a home-maker.

By the way, my wife is an appalling spendthrift. I really can’t tell if she’s misappropriating the feeding money, but I heard from a legion of reliable sources that my wife is building a massive house in another town of which I am absolutely unaware (or so she thinks). I also suspect that she’s been unfaithful to me, I have no proof of this…it’s just a blind suspicion, but I guess that’s explicable in view of the fact she’s a pathological liar and I do not trust her any more. This woman will have absolutely no qualms selling me out, I'm sure. Or maybe I’m just paranoid, who knows?

As I write this, my eyes well with bitter tears of agony and my heart feels flaccid, like a sapped orange…for I am wringing out of my heart, the secret (and not-so-secret) sorrows with which it has been engorged for so long. I was once okay with this woman, but now I am fed up, and whatever feelings I once had are fast being transmuted into hateful emotions. People keep saying that I am a weak man, lacking the nerve and courage to stand up to my wife and either kick her out of the house, or forcefully ensure that she effects changes in her lifestyle, but I don't want trouble, so what can I do? Should I just remain patient, like I have been all these years and maintain the status quo, or should I stand up, be a man and make things change for the better, and in doing so stir up a domestic revolution? Please Agony Aunt, your advice at this point is like a drop of water on the tip of the tongue of the rich man in the lake of fire – desperately needed.


P.S: I am aware that my letter may be too long to be published in your column, but I just had to pour out my heart, hope you do not mind too much. By the way I’d rather remain anonymous, but if initials are required, these would do: N.I.G. from Africa. If you so wish, you can reach me on +234-000-644-3742.