Monday, November 29, 2010


Life is filled with lessons. Every day, we are subjected to diverse experiences from which we (at least the more reflective ones among us) pick some pieces of wit, wisdom or even folly. It’s like someone walks ahead of us on the paths we’re destined to toe, littering the way with pieces of insight and knowledge for us to pick. It is the sum total of all that we picked (and did not lose on the way) that is referred to as wisdom or depth or insight-fullness (pun intended).

A few days ago, I was stuck in a notably terrible traffic jam, and it was none of my business. I was going the other way, but I had to go make a U-turn somewhere in front so I had to partake of cake wey no concern me. I no use tape-rule measure am, but it must have been about 80 kilometers long. It was the get-out-of-your-car-and-make-some-friends brand of traffic and the weather was insanely hot, as if the sun was also protesting. Horns were blaring, though I wonder why, ‘cos nobody was going anywhere. Tempers, of course were flaring (like gas in South-South…haha) and you’d have thought it was raining, with the way I was soaked in sweat (no A/C, except I wan push car) and the mirror told me I looked like shit so bad I could have scared shit. Sad. (now, you’re prob'ly thinking; so what?)

Well, it appeared that while we were all busy cursing the 'irresponsible' government (like we always do) over the poor traffic management, some people were not in the least bit unhappy about the jam – the hawkers. They were just busy running all over the place distributing (in exchange for money, of course) recharge cards, drinks and so on. I’m sure they must have been silently thanking God, for this great answer to their prayers a la baby-whale-washed -ashore-at-one-beach-some-years-back. By the way, here’s some business advice, with the way fuel was running out in some cars, I think it might be a wise biz idea to start hawking petrol in traffic prone zones.

End of story.
Actually, not yet.
Not even nearly.

After keeping shut and watching for ten minutes, I saw that the number of hawkers had almost doubled, and they all seemed delighted (in a busy way) that they were making such brisk business. Here’s where it concerns you; when the cause of the hold-up (a trailer that broke down due to an avoidable fault) was solved and the jam was eased, the traders who had been having such a good time suddenly were in the wrong place, and became the unhappy folk, while we erstwhile spitters, sweaters and cursers (abi na cursors? lol) were now in the enviable position of saying “thank God”. Luck don change. Well, since I have stupidly decided to title this piece “Life's Lessons” or something like that, I guess I now have to share the moral of my experience…which is what I'll proceed to do now.

One, as a general rule, luck doesn’t change gradually, it swings. If it changes steadily, it is most likely a decline caused by some fault on someone’s part, not Mother Luck. She moves away from your side so fast you wonder what it was you said.

Two, do you recall one poem I wrote - “On Rue de Reverie”? Permit me to quote a line; “there’s no soup so sweet that it can’t swing sour”. I’ll modify that here, “there’s no soup so sweet that it isn’t still sour”. Run a philosophy check, you’ll find that it’s square. While that hold-up was annoying for me, it was a blessing in disguise for the traders. (Of course, I know I could just as easily have quoted “one man’s meat is another’s poison” but I gotta publicize my poetry now). Even on the same tongue, some buds taste bitter, some sweet, and some sour. Call it the Parable of the Tongue.

Three, whenever you feel bad about something you’ve done and its potential effect on others, cheer up. No matter how bad it is, at least one other person will like your action (or inaction), even if it’s just the devil. Note that this applies vice-versa, so when you’re thinking of that league title FC Barcelona won, don’t forget that Real Madrid fans exist.
Four, now this is fourny (funny), though not necessarily in the sense of being hilarious, but more because it’s twisted. Imagine, for a moment, that I was on my way to do something immoral like, say, screw somebody’s wife who used to be my girlfriend and still thinks I’m an unmatchable tiger in that department, and because of the traffic I couldn’t make it her place before her husband got back home, and she called to tell me not to come and come any longer... (MAD DULLING, UHN?) That would have left me with another reason to be unhappy, but it would have made God happy, and the Devil unhappy. It would have left the woman sexually frustrated (call that blue eggs, blue tubes, blue p***y...or something like that) and her husband happy, though he wouldn’t have known that he had a reason to be happy. If however he had been planning to leave his wife, and was just hoping for her to misbehave, he’d have had a reason to be unhappy, since that would have hindered his plan to marry his secretary, or whoever it was he was screwing. Also, what if I had promised to buy drinks for some young guys in the neighborhood, but decided against it that night because I was annoyed at the traffic that screwed my screw?

Here’s the lesson, your silly act or omission, however simple it looks, will affect a million people directly or otherwise. Some do not even know that it has affected their decisions and emotions in some way or another. Also, depending on who you worship, every action you take is a chance to please God and displease the devil (and vice-versa).

Five, because of the traffic, I could not fornicate with the lady THAT DAY. That doesn’t mean I won’t do so some other day, when her husband is away and there’s no traffic to hinder my arrival at her place. Lesson learnt: some things will just happen, no matter how long you delay them. The effects of your actions might delay some events, such as the man catching me on top of his wife, but it doesn’t mean it won’t happen sometime soon. Especially considering that I’m going there tomorrow (hope there’s no traffic)

Six, I’m rather a sick fellow to have written that story…drawing from just simple traffic that was not even as bad as I painted it to be. Lesson: life is like me, it takes your little indiscretions or whatever else, and makes a baby (literally or figuratively) out of it.

Seven, I believe that life is very much like traffic jam. Some complain, some celebrate, some hiss, some kiss…you know, and so on. But there’s one category of people that always benefit from traffic…

…The Lesson Learners.


  1. Intelligent,expected nufin less but got loadz more. U one mean writer.

  2. This is amazing considering that you wrote this 5 years ago and I am just getting to read this and the fact that I only met you about a year ago.
    I love having this opportunity to peek into your previous though process, thank you for sharing. Now let me proceed to digest the blog. And more importantly, I hope you find the time to create time to pick up writing again.
    Love, Moe