So now the strike has been called off, or at least they plan to. So? What if? They are now making it look as if they love us so much that, out of the goodness of their large hearts; they've decided to put an end to our collective misery. Like I give a damn.
I'm usually not a ranter, but I'm so stressed out today, and they are the only ones in my line of fire...so I'll take a shot, better still a barrage at the lost, blind people who claim to be our leaders in this near failed state called Nigeria. Yes, I said so, and if you don't like that line, go stuff your oral orifice with faeces-laced tissue paper (enough to make you choke), because I'm going to keep firing at these people as vigorously as my weak fingers can manage.
Now that ASUU has suspended (they may resume later, hopefully I'll be done by then) the industrial action on which it embarked over three months ago, what do they expect us to do? Flood the streets with drums and singing to appreciate the Government (whatever that means) for being benevolent and merciful to our plight. Or to craft beautiful poetry to eulogize their lofty intervention. Permit me to say this, but really...FUCK 'EM ALL!!!
It will probably be splashed all over the dailies by Tuesday that the "Great Nigerian Students" are returning to their schools. The big question here is, what exactly are we going back to? The same dilapidated classrooms, and anything-but-conducive school environment? Back to the arms of our insecure host communities, probably to meet our long-left rooms already burgled? See, it might seem like good news to you that our holidays are over and schools are resuming, but honestly I don't give a shit, for there is nothing to celebrate in the whole spectacle.
In the paper today, I saw the most irresponsible man in the world; the Minister of Education (who also doubles as my nominee for worst minister ever) sitting beside Comrade Adams Oshiomole (who by the way, is just out to score a few brownie points), with a we-have-worked-so-hard-achieve-this look on his silly face, everybody just trying to look like the messiah of the students. I felt like spitting at the picture. That's my own personal dispreference anyway, and you don't have to share it.
Now you're probably wondering; "what is this dude saying?" Here is my grouse, why did we have to go on a strike that yielded no benefits, either for the lecturers or the students, or even for the sector itself? Mad, isn't it? That's what we've become in this nation...MAD! So we just threw away three months of the lives of some old supposed-to-be-married students for nothing? Nothing at all gained, except of course that I made a few bucks and got busy on some things I otherwise wouldn't have been on. On a national scale therefore, this strike cannot be said to have accomplished anything substantial, and we are all happy that it's been called off.
I expect a repeat (maybe longer) performance of this is a year or two. PSEEEW!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
MY FAVORITE GOVERNOR
WARNING: This piece may be considered rather long and therefore boring, and reader discretion is advised for people who do not fancy lengthy newspaper editorials, the politically apathetic, and those who are privileged to have their abode in the beautiful Lagos State.
The following classes of people may find this article extremely offensive.
i. The Governor of Ogun State and his family members
ii. Political office holders who are his cronies
iii. Unrealistic individuals who love this man
iv. Lovers of bad governance all over the world.
Nobody in my family can exactly be referred to as an avid political observer or a passionate socio-political commentator, (including my Dad and I) but there is one political topic that always get's everybody in my house interested, the mention of which sees everybody contributing humorously, and at times, vigorously and bitterly. It is the matter of our 'amiable governor', the governor of Ogun State, Otunba Gbenga Daniel who is currently serving his second term.I stay in Ota, so if you are even slightly familiar with on-goings in that town, and the general feelings of inhabitants towards the man, you should already understand that the heading of this piece is ultra-ironic (even the blind can see).
It is practically impossible to drive anywhere in Ogun State without making mention of OGD's (as he calls himself) name, for two reasons. Firstly, the roads are in such a horrible state of disrepair that even the most apathetic citizen will instantly be transformed into a socio-political activist by just taking a ride through say, Ilo-Awela Road. Damn (forgive my language) that road is terribly terrible. Many dead okada riders will serve as testimony (though not as witnesses, unfortunately) to that fact, as that road drove some trailer-drivers to shove them into their untimely graves. Now don't get me wrong, this man actually does construct roads through his pet agency – OGROMA (Otunba Gbenga Rolling Money Away, according to Mr. Ogunsakin), but the problem is that the roads are so substandard that a week or two after construction, they start getting bad, and a few months after, there is almost no sign that the road was ever tarred.
The second reason is that the state is painted all over in OGD (whatever color that is). Everywhere you go (apologies to MTN) there's always a billboard with the man's ever-smiling (I wonder what's so funny) face, his popular slogan "... a secured future", and some silly self-praising punchlines that would make Jay-Z envious. The guy is so good at those things, he should have been a rapper (oh, sorry I forgot...he doesn't do those things himself; they're always erected by some faceless movement, or a local government). I'm just going to tell you some stories about this (satanically) enigmatic man which you might find interesting (though I don't find them funny at all).
'Sometimes' (haha, very funny) in August, I went to Agbara Estate with my 'bros' who is a lawyer, who also doesn't like OGD that much (he detests him, actually). On our way, we saw a billboard, at Lusada market with the line “Ride on OGD, we’ve never had it so good”. The most interesting thing about this billboard was that it was located right in front of a ditch-deep pothole. We laughed about this for some time, as we proceeded on our journey. The journey was without event till we got somewhere, where we saw another billboard with the powerful hook; “OGD news, good news”. This elicited no comment from anybody, just sneers, which was what that deserved, anyway. There are a lot of these billboards all over Abeokuta, but I will say nothing since the place is relatively good (road-wise at least). There are also myriads of them in Ijebu-North Local Government Area, but that’s easy to understand, considering that the man is from there.
Speaking of LGA’s let’s get back to base, my own LGA – Ado-Odo Ota Local Government Area. Right in front of the secretariat is a billboard that reads “CYT like OGD” (i.e. the Local Govt. Chairman…the Governor). The stretch of road off which this secretariat is situate, lying and being along is a pothole mat; it is practically impossible (except you’re a fayawo) to exceed 20kmp/h on that road. I’m not exaggerating. The secretariat has a big broken portion on its fence, which has remained that way for many months and Mr. CYT (who is like OGD) has not even though it fit to fix it. Isn’t that crazily irresponsible?
At Ilisan-Remo roundabout is another pro-OGD billboard with a picture of his cap (can you beat that?) with a tagline “the symbol…he must be encouraged…he must be appreciated…” The road at this point is good but shortly after the billboard, the tar disappears and gives way to a dusty, bumpy, gravelly road. He must be appreciated indeed. Yeye.
Now the one that takes the cake is the OGD – Yar’ Adua collabo, located at that Abeokuta-Papalanto-Sagamu roundabout. It is so goddamn hilarious. I saw it when I was going to pick my sister, Moji from school a few weeks ago. I couldn’t stop talking about it until I got to Ikenne. The punchline here was merely a merger of their trademark slogans, but I found it thoroughly amusing because it struck me as a disgraceful testament, a documented monument to governmental failure at both national and state levels. Super-shameful. It read; “Partnership That Works: 7 point Agenda for a Secured Future”. Imagine that (Jay-Z and R. Kelly on the flow…best of both tiers).
One day at the State High Court, Ota, which by the way is the most dilapidated and unkempt courthouse I’ve seen anywhere (not that I’ve seen too many), I was discussing with some fellow law students who were also at home under the ignominious auspices of this ungodly industrial action (ASUU strike). I was singing OGD’s praises (like I always do) when somebody made a remark about the man having a part-time job as a Chief Priest of a secret cult (no be me talk am o!). The guy said that it was that job that was hindering our esteemed Governor from discharging his gubernatorial duties with all propriety and diligence. I remember that someone noted (that must have been me) that there is nothing in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria that prohibits a Chief Priest from becoming a Governor, or vice-versa; so our man is still in order. No story.
I heard (actually saw a newspaper headline) that OGD accused the Lagos State Government of fuelling the crisis in Ogun State (by setting high standards, I think). To imagine that he could have said that, when this Governor of ours is said to live in Lagos! If that is true, then his coke addiction must be taking its toll on him; his mind seems to be taking a rather bad turn. Please believers, pray for him…as for me, my faith is weak.
This man must be given a lot of credit for some things, though. For one, he has revolutionized the face of politics in Ogun State; every politician there seems to have a three letter moniker. He also brought about (popularized, actually) the billboard propaganda scheme. It is not uncommon therefore, to see billboards with names such as IOB, CYT, (and XYZ, PIG, DOG, haha). The rest of the acts of King OGD, the female House of Assembly ex-speaker whom he had (or is still having) an amorous affair with, and the members of the House whom he took to a shrine to swear an oath, fully naked, are they not written in the chronicles of the Governors of Ogun State (you may have to be a Bible student to catch my drift here). And eh, since the dude wants to be a rapper, let me give him a tip; he could just re-arrange the letters of his nickname to form GOD, since that’s who he obviously thinks he is (but he should just make sure Rakim doesn’t get him o).
On a parting note, if anybody would be so kind as to get this across to the man (without my name, of course), please this quote I just coined might be good;
“It is shameful enough to be bad, but worse to be shameless”.
P.S. Let me just tell another tale from this state, since I just wrote about its Governor. About five days ago, my Dad and I were on our way to church, when some TRACE (OGD’s version of LASTMA) pulled us over, and some funny- looking guy with extremely yellow teeth and a commensurate awful breath stuck his head through the window to ask why we didn’t have an “EMISSION CONTROL” sticker on our car. All through my stay in this state (that has spanned over 16 years) I had never heard of anything like that…and neither had my Dad. Trust my Dad, he almost went ballistic over what he considered to be a cheap government-backed extortion scheme, and which I considered (and still do) to be nothing but a scam (you needed to have seen the tout). Anyway he told us that they’d have to test our car and if we passed, we’d go and pay a sum of N1,250 at one green container in one funny place (like say space no dey secretariat). Dull scam, ko gbodo je mi. As he (tout) was still speaking, one chain smoker of a pick-up truck passed by us and it wasn’t stopped. My Dad asked why, and Mr. Tout was left speechless, then when he spoke, he said we could leave, that he just wanted to inform us. Psheew! This whole affair occurred beside a road-side buka (you can imagine all that smoke) on a bad road, and those ones were not cautioned either. Anyway, that’s Ogun State for you.
Rather long, uh? I warned you!
The following classes of people may find this article extremely offensive.
i. The Governor of Ogun State and his family members
ii. Political office holders who are his cronies
iii. Unrealistic individuals who love this man
iv. Lovers of bad governance all over the world.
Nobody in my family can exactly be referred to as an avid political observer or a passionate socio-political commentator, (including my Dad and I) but there is one political topic that always get's everybody in my house interested, the mention of which sees everybody contributing humorously, and at times, vigorously and bitterly. It is the matter of our 'amiable governor', the governor of Ogun State, Otunba Gbenga Daniel who is currently serving his second term.I stay in Ota, so if you are even slightly familiar with on-goings in that town, and the general feelings of inhabitants towards the man, you should already understand that the heading of this piece is ultra-ironic (even the blind can see).
It is practically impossible to drive anywhere in Ogun State without making mention of OGD's (as he calls himself) name, for two reasons. Firstly, the roads are in such a horrible state of disrepair that even the most apathetic citizen will instantly be transformed into a socio-political activist by just taking a ride through say, Ilo-Awela Road. Damn (forgive my language) that road is terribly terrible. Many dead okada riders will serve as testimony (though not as witnesses, unfortunately) to that fact, as that road drove some trailer-drivers to shove them into their untimely graves. Now don't get me wrong, this man actually does construct roads through his pet agency – OGROMA (Otunba Gbenga Rolling Money Away, according to Mr. Ogunsakin), but the problem is that the roads are so substandard that a week or two after construction, they start getting bad, and a few months after, there is almost no sign that the road was ever tarred.
The second reason is that the state is painted all over in OGD (whatever color that is). Everywhere you go (apologies to MTN) there's always a billboard with the man's ever-smiling (I wonder what's so funny) face, his popular slogan "... a secured future", and some silly self-praising punchlines that would make Jay-Z envious. The guy is so good at those things, he should have been a rapper (oh, sorry I forgot...he doesn't do those things himself; they're always erected by some faceless movement, or a local government). I'm just going to tell you some stories about this (satanically) enigmatic man which you might find interesting (though I don't find them funny at all).
'Sometimes' (haha, very funny) in August, I went to Agbara Estate with my 'bros' who is a lawyer, who also doesn't like OGD that much (he detests him, actually). On our way, we saw a billboard, at Lusada market with the line “Ride on OGD, we’ve never had it so good”. The most interesting thing about this billboard was that it was located right in front of a ditch-deep pothole. We laughed about this for some time, as we proceeded on our journey. The journey was without event till we got somewhere, where we saw another billboard with the powerful hook; “OGD news, good news”. This elicited no comment from anybody, just sneers, which was what that deserved, anyway. There are a lot of these billboards all over Abeokuta, but I will say nothing since the place is relatively good (road-wise at least). There are also myriads of them in Ijebu-North Local Government Area, but that’s easy to understand, considering that the man is from there.
Speaking of LGA’s let’s get back to base, my own LGA – Ado-Odo Ota Local Government Area. Right in front of the secretariat is a billboard that reads “CYT like OGD” (i.e. the Local Govt. Chairman…the Governor). The stretch of road off which this secretariat is situate, lying and being along is a pothole mat; it is practically impossible (except you’re a fayawo) to exceed 20kmp/h on that road. I’m not exaggerating. The secretariat has a big broken portion on its fence, which has remained that way for many months and Mr. CYT (who is like OGD) has not even though it fit to fix it. Isn’t that crazily irresponsible?
At Ilisan-Remo roundabout is another pro-OGD billboard with a picture of his cap (can you beat that?) with a tagline “the symbol…he must be encouraged…he must be appreciated…” The road at this point is good but shortly after the billboard, the tar disappears and gives way to a dusty, bumpy, gravelly road. He must be appreciated indeed. Yeye.
Now the one that takes the cake is the OGD – Yar’ Adua collabo, located at that Abeokuta-Papalanto-Sagamu roundabout. It is so goddamn hilarious. I saw it when I was going to pick my sister, Moji from school a few weeks ago. I couldn’t stop talking about it until I got to Ikenne. The punchline here was merely a merger of their trademark slogans, but I found it thoroughly amusing because it struck me as a disgraceful testament, a documented monument to governmental failure at both national and state levels. Super-shameful. It read; “Partnership That Works: 7 point Agenda for a Secured Future”. Imagine that (Jay-Z and R. Kelly on the flow…best of both tiers).
One day at the State High Court, Ota, which by the way is the most dilapidated and unkempt courthouse I’ve seen anywhere (not that I’ve seen too many), I was discussing with some fellow law students who were also at home under the ignominious auspices of this ungodly industrial action (ASUU strike). I was singing OGD’s praises (like I always do) when somebody made a remark about the man having a part-time job as a Chief Priest of a secret cult (no be me talk am o!). The guy said that it was that job that was hindering our esteemed Governor from discharging his gubernatorial duties with all propriety and diligence. I remember that someone noted (that must have been me) that there is nothing in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria that prohibits a Chief Priest from becoming a Governor, or vice-versa; so our man is still in order. No story.
I heard (actually saw a newspaper headline) that OGD accused the Lagos State Government of fuelling the crisis in Ogun State (by setting high standards, I think). To imagine that he could have said that, when this Governor of ours is said to live in Lagos! If that is true, then his coke addiction must be taking its toll on him; his mind seems to be taking a rather bad turn. Please believers, pray for him…as for me, my faith is weak.
This man must be given a lot of credit for some things, though. For one, he has revolutionized the face of politics in Ogun State; every politician there seems to have a three letter moniker. He also brought about (popularized, actually) the billboard propaganda scheme. It is not uncommon therefore, to see billboards with names such as IOB, CYT, (and XYZ, PIG, DOG, haha). The rest of the acts of King OGD, the female House of Assembly ex-speaker whom he had (or is still having) an amorous affair with, and the members of the House whom he took to a shrine to swear an oath, fully naked, are they not written in the chronicles of the Governors of Ogun State (you may have to be a Bible student to catch my drift here). And eh, since the dude wants to be a rapper, let me give him a tip; he could just re-arrange the letters of his nickname to form GOD, since that’s who he obviously thinks he is (but he should just make sure Rakim doesn’t get him o).
On a parting note, if anybody would be so kind as to get this across to the man (without my name, of course), please this quote I just coined might be good;
“It is shameful enough to be bad, but worse to be shameless”.
P.S. Let me just tell another tale from this state, since I just wrote about its Governor. About five days ago, my Dad and I were on our way to church, when some TRACE (OGD’s version of LASTMA) pulled us over, and some funny- looking guy with extremely yellow teeth and a commensurate awful breath stuck his head through the window to ask why we didn’t have an “EMISSION CONTROL” sticker on our car. All through my stay in this state (that has spanned over 16 years) I had never heard of anything like that…and neither had my Dad. Trust my Dad, he almost went ballistic over what he considered to be a cheap government-backed extortion scheme, and which I considered (and still do) to be nothing but a scam (you needed to have seen the tout). Anyway he told us that they’d have to test our car and if we passed, we’d go and pay a sum of N1,250 at one green container in one funny place (like say space no dey secretariat). Dull scam, ko gbodo je mi. As he (tout) was still speaking, one chain smoker of a pick-up truck passed by us and it wasn’t stopped. My Dad asked why, and Mr. Tout was left speechless, then when he spoke, he said we could leave, that he just wanted to inform us. Psheew! This whole affair occurred beside a road-side buka (you can imagine all that smoke) on a bad road, and those ones were not cautioned either. Anyway, that’s Ogun State for you.
Rather long, uh? I warned you!
Friday, October 2, 2009
OPEN LETTER TO THE DEVIL
Undear Devil,
For starters, fuck you.
I hope that made you wince, you heartless fool. I’m writing this to you on the occasion of my country’s 49th Independence Day Celebration, which you are already aware of. This in itself gives me another opportunity to express my profound, boundless dislike, nay, hatred for you. I hate you from the bottom of my heart, for you are the bedrock of all the evil that has befallen this land over the years.
You, wicked Lucifer, have made the tag of today’s event a joke on this nation and its entire populace, for instead of independence, we remain in captivity. Though free from official external control, referring to us as a sovereign nation is a misnomer. Also, I wonder what it is that is so special about this day that we claim to be celebrating. You have held us in bondage through poverty, hunger and lack in its ugliest forms, so no matter what we do today, we know that for us freedom has not truly come.
It has been said in all the Good Books that you are the fountain of all evil and the source of all hardship and pain in the world of man. With this in view, I have concluded that whatever is wrong with this country of mine is your fault in entirety. Yes, it is. You are the one who influences evil, for you are the well of evil; in fact you are evil itself. Everything that is, or has ever been wrong with this country is exclusively and completely your handiwork, you sadistic Satan. You know that I am saying the truth, so you can’t even challenge my assertions.
You are to blame for the culture of corruption which has become woven into the fiber of our daily life in this land. Our leaders have been driven by you to steal (loot, misappropriate, embezzle…whatever) the money of the people, and I know that you are the one who put them up to it. They are self-respecting, respectable statesmen who would not ordinarily do any of those things if not for your evil powers with which you compel them. Every time I hear the outcry of the people against some public official who took some of the national cake, I feel my soul burning with hatred for you, since I’m fully aware that you were the one who put him (or her) up to it. Sometimes you build houses well beyond their reasonable means for them and help them forget to declare such assets to the country, then push those irresponsible press-people to blow the issue out of proportion by revealing the simple facts.
It is absolutely your fault also, that we do not have reliable power supply in this country. You are the king of darkness, so I know that you are the one who is causing this lack of steady electricity which has worsened terribly over the years. Our great leaders desire strongly that we have power supply for at least 20hrs daily, but you have frustrated their efforts. The generator importers are just being blamed by most of the people for no just cause, because I know that they have done absolutely nothing to sabotage the power sector. It is you and your legions of demons that always spoil things in this nation. I can even remember when you sent your evil spirits to shoot that Minister of Power & Steel dead in his home, for trying to reform the sector.
Our educational sector is in shambles, Mr. Satan, and that once again is your fault. Why are you so wicked? The agreement which the Federal Government reached with the lecturers’ union (against your wishes) has not been honored, even after many years, and I know that this is also the fault of none other than you. It appears that since you know that knowledge is light, you want to keep our nation in the darkness of ignorance by doing all within your power to destroy the education sector. This affects me personally, so for this I hate you double. Devilish Bastard! You keep stealing funds meant for the development of schools and try to frame up the administrators (Commissioners, VCs, principals) by keeping such monies in their accounts. You truly are a worker of mischief in more ways than one. You donated money to the Minister of Education and convinced him to throw an insanely lavish wedding anniversary while ASUU was on strike, just to make him look bad to the people. You should be ashamed of yourself, Satan.
Now let me advise you, you had better have a proper disguise on whenever you’re going anywhere around the South-South region of Nigeria, (commonly referred to as the Niger Delta) because those guys will lynch (or maybe just kidnap) you if they see you. You intercepted the funds released for the development of their land and its people, then found a way to make the government and the oil companies look like the real culprits. You ‘misappropriated’ those funds and made it look as if the Government does not care about them at all. Even by your evil standards, that is terrible. Now those ones have made the creeks their residence, taking hostages and demanding ransom for it, at your prodding. I know you’re probably chuckling at this, but I’m sure you won’t if Jomo Gbomo or Boyloaf gets to you after reading this letter.
By the way, I don’t know exactly what kind of clout you’ve got within the ranks of the mass media, but somehow, you got some unscrupulous journalists to inflate the figures of the allowances received by the members of the National Assembly. To sensationalize the little matter of the unsecured loans issued by some banks, or to overhype the alleged ill-health of our agile and able President. Despite how well you’ve been using them, you recently sent some of your agents to kill them, just like you’ve been doing over the years; since the days of green uniforms and black boots.
Why did you try to get the leader of that Boko Haram group to soil the reputation of some blameless members of our political class by claiming they were his sponsors? Thank God someone had the good sense to kill the guy before he could utter the blasphemous words with which you had already filled his mouth.
As for crime, we all know it is your doing, just to make the police look ill-equipped, under-staffed and under-paid. The Good Book tells me that you steal, kill and destroy, so I know that we do not even have robbers or assassins in this country; you just masquerade as them.
In your infinite wickedness and evil scheming, you have also rendered our refineries practically ineffective, such that we have to import fuel from foreign nations. This has made petroleum products so high-priced, especially where it comes from – the Niger Delta. Obviously, you have a sense of humor that befits your status as the Devil. I am personally sick of seeing you evil hands run things in this country, to hell with you! (not like I’m actually going with you o!)
Satan, I also know that it is your fault that people think that these excellent leaders of ours are irresponsible and weak or lack a clear vision and purpose. This I am sure is the reason why we are earnestly trying to re-brand our nation and its leadership in the eyes of the world, first by getting a “woman-of-the-people” to model for our ruling party, then making her come up with slogans that can boost our morale and credibility anywhere in the world. The fact that this campaign of ours is not even working is your fault, as you have battered our image so badly that re-construction seems to be the only way out.
I know (as we all do) that 2011 is just around the corner, and you will most likely stage a repeat of what you did in the last elections. I trust that even from now, you have begun to train million of your minions who will execute massive rigging in the forthcoming elections. You may also plan that you will make our honorable politicians look bad by possessing some youths to claim that they are working as thugs for these men of noble character.
There are many more things which you have been orchestrating against this country to prevent things from running smoothly. I cannot go into all these now, but I trust God to frustrate all your efforts to portray our wonderful leaders as men who do not care about their sworn duties to the people.
As Nigeria’s 49th year of independence passes today, I see no reason to celebrate, because you have single-handedly, without the aid of any human agent, made all things unpleasant in this country.
Once again, fuck you very much!
Definitely Not Yours
Mr. Unrealistic Nigerian
For starters, fuck you.
I hope that made you wince, you heartless fool. I’m writing this to you on the occasion of my country’s 49th Independence Day Celebration, which you are already aware of. This in itself gives me another opportunity to express my profound, boundless dislike, nay, hatred for you. I hate you from the bottom of my heart, for you are the bedrock of all the evil that has befallen this land over the years.
You, wicked Lucifer, have made the tag of today’s event a joke on this nation and its entire populace, for instead of independence, we remain in captivity. Though free from official external control, referring to us as a sovereign nation is a misnomer. Also, I wonder what it is that is so special about this day that we claim to be celebrating. You have held us in bondage through poverty, hunger and lack in its ugliest forms, so no matter what we do today, we know that for us freedom has not truly come.
It has been said in all the Good Books that you are the fountain of all evil and the source of all hardship and pain in the world of man. With this in view, I have concluded that whatever is wrong with this country of mine is your fault in entirety. Yes, it is. You are the one who influences evil, for you are the well of evil; in fact you are evil itself. Everything that is, or has ever been wrong with this country is exclusively and completely your handiwork, you sadistic Satan. You know that I am saying the truth, so you can’t even challenge my assertions.
You are to blame for the culture of corruption which has become woven into the fiber of our daily life in this land. Our leaders have been driven by you to steal (loot, misappropriate, embezzle…whatever) the money of the people, and I know that you are the one who put them up to it. They are self-respecting, respectable statesmen who would not ordinarily do any of those things if not for your evil powers with which you compel them. Every time I hear the outcry of the people against some public official who took some of the national cake, I feel my soul burning with hatred for you, since I’m fully aware that you were the one who put him (or her) up to it. Sometimes you build houses well beyond their reasonable means for them and help them forget to declare such assets to the country, then push those irresponsible press-people to blow the issue out of proportion by revealing the simple facts.
It is absolutely your fault also, that we do not have reliable power supply in this country. You are the king of darkness, so I know that you are the one who is causing this lack of steady electricity which has worsened terribly over the years. Our great leaders desire strongly that we have power supply for at least 20hrs daily, but you have frustrated their efforts. The generator importers are just being blamed by most of the people for no just cause, because I know that they have done absolutely nothing to sabotage the power sector. It is you and your legions of demons that always spoil things in this nation. I can even remember when you sent your evil spirits to shoot that Minister of Power & Steel dead in his home, for trying to reform the sector.
Our educational sector is in shambles, Mr. Satan, and that once again is your fault. Why are you so wicked? The agreement which the Federal Government reached with the lecturers’ union (against your wishes) has not been honored, even after many years, and I know that this is also the fault of none other than you. It appears that since you know that knowledge is light, you want to keep our nation in the darkness of ignorance by doing all within your power to destroy the education sector. This affects me personally, so for this I hate you double. Devilish Bastard! You keep stealing funds meant for the development of schools and try to frame up the administrators (Commissioners, VCs, principals) by keeping such monies in their accounts. You truly are a worker of mischief in more ways than one. You donated money to the Minister of Education and convinced him to throw an insanely lavish wedding anniversary while ASUU was on strike, just to make him look bad to the people. You should be ashamed of yourself, Satan.
Now let me advise you, you had better have a proper disguise on whenever you’re going anywhere around the South-South region of Nigeria, (commonly referred to as the Niger Delta) because those guys will lynch (or maybe just kidnap) you if they see you. You intercepted the funds released for the development of their land and its people, then found a way to make the government and the oil companies look like the real culprits. You ‘misappropriated’ those funds and made it look as if the Government does not care about them at all. Even by your evil standards, that is terrible. Now those ones have made the creeks their residence, taking hostages and demanding ransom for it, at your prodding. I know you’re probably chuckling at this, but I’m sure you won’t if Jomo Gbomo or Boyloaf gets to you after reading this letter.
By the way, I don’t know exactly what kind of clout you’ve got within the ranks of the mass media, but somehow, you got some unscrupulous journalists to inflate the figures of the allowances received by the members of the National Assembly. To sensationalize the little matter of the unsecured loans issued by some banks, or to overhype the alleged ill-health of our agile and able President. Despite how well you’ve been using them, you recently sent some of your agents to kill them, just like you’ve been doing over the years; since the days of green uniforms and black boots.
Why did you try to get the leader of that Boko Haram group to soil the reputation of some blameless members of our political class by claiming they were his sponsors? Thank God someone had the good sense to kill the guy before he could utter the blasphemous words with which you had already filled his mouth.
As for crime, we all know it is your doing, just to make the police look ill-equipped, under-staffed and under-paid. The Good Book tells me that you steal, kill and destroy, so I know that we do not even have robbers or assassins in this country; you just masquerade as them.
In your infinite wickedness and evil scheming, you have also rendered our refineries practically ineffective, such that we have to import fuel from foreign nations. This has made petroleum products so high-priced, especially where it comes from – the Niger Delta. Obviously, you have a sense of humor that befits your status as the Devil. I am personally sick of seeing you evil hands run things in this country, to hell with you! (not like I’m actually going with you o!)
Satan, I also know that it is your fault that people think that these excellent leaders of ours are irresponsible and weak or lack a clear vision and purpose. This I am sure is the reason why we are earnestly trying to re-brand our nation and its leadership in the eyes of the world, first by getting a “woman-of-the-people” to model for our ruling party, then making her come up with slogans that can boost our morale and credibility anywhere in the world. The fact that this campaign of ours is not even working is your fault, as you have battered our image so badly that re-construction seems to be the only way out.
I know (as we all do) that 2011 is just around the corner, and you will most likely stage a repeat of what you did in the last elections. I trust that even from now, you have begun to train million of your minions who will execute massive rigging in the forthcoming elections. You may also plan that you will make our honorable politicians look bad by possessing some youths to claim that they are working as thugs for these men of noble character.
There are many more things which you have been orchestrating against this country to prevent things from running smoothly. I cannot go into all these now, but I trust God to frustrate all your efforts to portray our wonderful leaders as men who do not care about their sworn duties to the people.
As Nigeria’s 49th year of independence passes today, I see no reason to celebrate, because you have single-handedly, without the aid of any human agent, made all things unpleasant in this country.
Once again, fuck you very much!
Definitely Not Yours
Mr. Unrealistic Nigerian
Thursday, October 1, 2009
BIKE-SHAG
“… when I got home, my Mum asked why the back of my jeans was wet…”
Commercial motorcycle riders, commonly referred to as okada have over the years, become a regular sight on Nigerian roads. They are considered to be a fast means of transport within suburbs and cities in the country, especially as a means of beating the heavy traffic-jams that characterize most major (and not-so-major towns and cities). If you belong to my current class of youths without cars (emphasis on ‘current’), then you have probably noticed a rather silly trend among okada riders. Instead of the normal practice of taking only one passenger, they nowadays prefer to take two or more passengers (who usually are stranger to each other) just like taxi-cabs do, so as to double their gains on each trip. It is therefore not too unusual to see a man in a white garment with matching bare feet and a woman-in-purdah - known in local parlance as eleha (or ninja, haha) - or a working class man in a suit with a mechanic on a bike. Talk about religious tolerance, unity and social equality/integration (forced, however).
I was somewhere recently, with some friends from my fellowship in school whom I haven’t seen in quite a while (about three months). We were gisting about our experiences during the on-going ASUU strike, and the discussion somehow shifted to bike-riders and their antics. The discussion was even beginning to get boring when one of us, named Segun*, told us a rather amusing (and quite irritating) story. He said his girlfriend told him (now I’m not giving you a long chain of reported speech) what happened to her on a bike recently. She (her name is Lola*) was going somewhere, and like most people who want to beat the notorious traffic, she took a bike. Somewhere along the way, they picked up a man who was going somewhere along the same route, though the distance was shorter. At first, the lady wanted to object to the dual-carriage (abi wetin I for call am?), but they (rider and male passenger) appealed to her, that it would not last too long. She grudgingly agreed, especially considering that there were no other bikes around…notwithstanding that she would have to play the piece of meat in the sandwich (abi na chicken burger?)
Now this is where it gets interesting. As they proceeded, the lady (who is rather curvaceous and ‘well-endowed) began to feel something prodding her posterior (in other words, chucking her booty), but she ignored it, as she felt she could endure the penile onslaught till the man disembarked. She did not want to complain so as not to create a scene, which she felt would be more embarrassing to her than to the male passenger behind her who was thoroughly enjoying himself (not to mention the rider who must have been having great fun with the soft cushion behind him). Soon enough, it was time for the male passenger to alight, which he did awkwardly but the lady paid no heed to that. She was only relieved that at least, the siege was over.
Now when my friend’s girlfriend got home, she greeted her mum and was walking to her room when her mom called her back and said, “Lola, se o joko le omi ni?” (Mummy, na on top ‘nail’ ur pikin siddon!) She was surprised at that comment and touched her behind to check the wet spot her mother was referring to, and (yes, just what you were thinking) felt a sticky wetness on her jeans. Shit! Can you believe that? Mr. Male Passenger had already e-spunk-ulated on Ms. Lola’s jeans. I cannot (even with my rather fertile imagination) picture how he managed to pull off such a feat. Dammit, perverts get levels o! My friend (Lola’s boyfriend) who told me this said; “were ni bobo yen o, o kan lo omo yen lori okada ni sha…o ga o”. Man, we all burst out laughing when he was through with the story, but we quickly consoled him by saying that at least it was not her fault.
Now some questions arise; why in the first place should an okada rider carry two passengers? Are there no traffic laws against that sort of thing? On the same roads that are littered by all sorts of “law enforcement agencies”. I am saying this because I think that it is the lack of proper regulation of okada operators (forget that helmet thing, jare) that created the right circumstances for what happened to Lola. That aside, it is the pinnacle of perversion for a man to just ‘through-clothes-shag’ a lady on a bike. I’m a bit confused here because I don’t even know who to blame; the bike-man, the government, the male passenger or the lady herself.
Well, this is what I think; they all share the blame for that disgusting scenario (this story only). For starters, bikes are not cabs, and should not be treated as such. It is therefore unacceptable for two people (and strangers. at that) to be transported on a bike at once. It is not only unsafe; it is also indecent especially in cases where both passengers are of different sexes. Also, I’m of the opinion that commuters should not allow themselves to be carried with somebody else on a bike. In the story above, if the girl had firmly stood her ground (irrespective of whether her options were limited or not); the male passenger would have had to wait for another bike, and she would not have been ‘used’ like that. Also, men who are in the habit of ‘bike-shagging’ should desist from such sick behavior…that is a really crazy innovation in masturbation. Lastly, the local government authorities should, in addition to the helmet issue, devise means to stem the double-biking (actually triple) situation in its tide.
This might just seem like a product of total boredom to you (which it partly is, anyway), but I just heard the story and decided that I just had to do a piece on it. Before I take my hands of this keyboard, I want to leave us with some food for thought; if the daughter of an important government official had been the one who experienced the ‘bike-wank-shag’, wouldn’t they have started enforcing the law on this matter? That won’t happen though, because they live in such opulence that even their maids do not have to take okada. On the other hand, if not for the bad economic situation (by this I’m not speaking of the global recession), would okada riders be so desperate as to resort to such silly moves to maximize profits? At least “man must wack” , “pikin must go school” and so on. When you consider that they also pay ACOMORAN (the okada riders’ union), buy fuel (we all know how expensive that has become) and ‘settle’ policemen, all out of their meager income, then you’ll see things in perspective. I’m not just blaming the Government because that’s what everybody does, but because the problems emanated from them through their nonchalance about such matters.
P.S: If you have a problem with my views, or you have a suggestion; post a comment!
** not real names.
Commercial motorcycle riders, commonly referred to as okada have over the years, become a regular sight on Nigerian roads. They are considered to be a fast means of transport within suburbs and cities in the country, especially as a means of beating the heavy traffic-jams that characterize most major (and not-so-major towns and cities). If you belong to my current class of youths without cars (emphasis on ‘current’), then you have probably noticed a rather silly trend among okada riders. Instead of the normal practice of taking only one passenger, they nowadays prefer to take two or more passengers (who usually are stranger to each other) just like taxi-cabs do, so as to double their gains on each trip. It is therefore not too unusual to see a man in a white garment with matching bare feet and a woman-in-purdah - known in local parlance as eleha (or ninja, haha) - or a working class man in a suit with a mechanic on a bike. Talk about religious tolerance, unity and social equality/integration (forced, however).
I was somewhere recently, with some friends from my fellowship in school whom I haven’t seen in quite a while (about three months). We were gisting about our experiences during the on-going ASUU strike, and the discussion somehow shifted to bike-riders and their antics. The discussion was even beginning to get boring when one of us, named Segun*, told us a rather amusing (and quite irritating) story. He said his girlfriend told him (now I’m not giving you a long chain of reported speech) what happened to her on a bike recently. She (her name is Lola*) was going somewhere, and like most people who want to beat the notorious traffic, she took a bike. Somewhere along the way, they picked up a man who was going somewhere along the same route, though the distance was shorter. At first, the lady wanted to object to the dual-carriage (abi wetin I for call am?), but they (rider and male passenger) appealed to her, that it would not last too long. She grudgingly agreed, especially considering that there were no other bikes around…notwithstanding that she would have to play the piece of meat in the sandwich (abi na chicken burger?)
Now this is where it gets interesting. As they proceeded, the lady (who is rather curvaceous and ‘well-endowed) began to feel something prodding her posterior (in other words, chucking her booty), but she ignored it, as she felt she could endure the penile onslaught till the man disembarked. She did not want to complain so as not to create a scene, which she felt would be more embarrassing to her than to the male passenger behind her who was thoroughly enjoying himself (not to mention the rider who must have been having great fun with the soft cushion behind him). Soon enough, it was time for the male passenger to alight, which he did awkwardly but the lady paid no heed to that. She was only relieved that at least, the siege was over.
Now when my friend’s girlfriend got home, she greeted her mum and was walking to her room when her mom called her back and said, “Lola, se o joko le omi ni?” (Mummy, na on top ‘nail’ ur pikin siddon!) She was surprised at that comment and touched her behind to check the wet spot her mother was referring to, and (yes, just what you were thinking) felt a sticky wetness on her jeans. Shit! Can you believe that? Mr. Male Passenger had already e-spunk-ulated on Ms. Lola’s jeans. I cannot (even with my rather fertile imagination) picture how he managed to pull off such a feat. Dammit, perverts get levels o! My friend (Lola’s boyfriend) who told me this said; “were ni bobo yen o, o kan lo omo yen lori okada ni sha…o ga o”. Man, we all burst out laughing when he was through with the story, but we quickly consoled him by saying that at least it was not her fault.
Now some questions arise; why in the first place should an okada rider carry two passengers? Are there no traffic laws against that sort of thing? On the same roads that are littered by all sorts of “law enforcement agencies”. I am saying this because I think that it is the lack of proper regulation of okada operators (forget that helmet thing, jare) that created the right circumstances for what happened to Lola. That aside, it is the pinnacle of perversion for a man to just ‘through-clothes-shag’ a lady on a bike. I’m a bit confused here because I don’t even know who to blame; the bike-man, the government, the male passenger or the lady herself.
Well, this is what I think; they all share the blame for that disgusting scenario (this story only). For starters, bikes are not cabs, and should not be treated as such. It is therefore unacceptable for two people (and strangers. at that) to be transported on a bike at once. It is not only unsafe; it is also indecent especially in cases where both passengers are of different sexes. Also, I’m of the opinion that commuters should not allow themselves to be carried with somebody else on a bike. In the story above, if the girl had firmly stood her ground (irrespective of whether her options were limited or not); the male passenger would have had to wait for another bike, and she would not have been ‘used’ like that. Also, men who are in the habit of ‘bike-shagging’ should desist from such sick behavior…that is a really crazy innovation in masturbation. Lastly, the local government authorities should, in addition to the helmet issue, devise means to stem the double-biking (actually triple) situation in its tide.
This might just seem like a product of total boredom to you (which it partly is, anyway), but I just heard the story and decided that I just had to do a piece on it. Before I take my hands of this keyboard, I want to leave us with some food for thought; if the daughter of an important government official had been the one who experienced the ‘bike-wank-shag’, wouldn’t they have started enforcing the law on this matter? That won’t happen though, because they live in such opulence that even their maids do not have to take okada. On the other hand, if not for the bad economic situation (by this I’m not speaking of the global recession), would okada riders be so desperate as to resort to such silly moves to maximize profits? At least “man must wack” , “pikin must go school” and so on. When you consider that they also pay ACOMORAN (the okada riders’ union), buy fuel (we all know how expensive that has become) and ‘settle’ policemen, all out of their meager income, then you’ll see things in perspective. I’m not just blaming the Government because that’s what everybody does, but because the problems emanated from them through their nonchalance about such matters.
P.S: If you have a problem with my views, or you have a suggestion; post a comment!
** not real names.
MY PROBLEM, NOT THEIRS
ASUU. If you ask your average kid what the acronym stands for, I bet he'll probably tell you something like; "I don't know it's full meaning, but I think the 's' stands for 'strike'. I don't know if that's what your kid sibling would say, but I'm sure that's what I'd have thought at that age. Just in case you haven't heard about them, I'm referring to that body of irresponsible old men (forgive me if your parent(s) are members) whom we call lecturers, who apparently think that demolition is the only way to construct...as if they don't renovate their own houses. The fellows who are partly at fault for almost everything I've written recently, and the main reason why the E-Centre is always crowded, not to mention why Centage Superstar has so many applicants. Those people who are enjoying an undeserved vacation (with pay, of course) and leaving some youths (who are not really interested in school, anyway) with way too much spare time on their hands...and we claim to want to reduce crime rate. Okay o.
When the rumors of another ASUU strike began going the rounds, I was a bit happy with the idea of getting a break from the school environment (an overdose of that Ago-Iwoye environment is definitely not safe for anyone's mental health), if only for three weeks. However, after spending two months and more at home (talk of weeks becoming months), with only-God-knows-how-many more months to go in this 'indefinite' industrial action, I'm starting to itch for that supposedly toxic school environment. Now that's a gross understatement; I am super-sick of sitting my not-so-flat posterior at home. Spending time at home has never been a bad idea, in fact, it could be really good, (especially with folks like mine) but two straight months is pushing it to the extreme...it could be counterproductive. I have been trying to console myself by saying that it has to be the will of God - considering that everybody seems to be praying about it - but that line is getting rather hackneyed. While I am here whining and grumbling about the puerile show of shame between ASUU and the FG, some people (who claim to be my friends) see this strike as the best thing to have happened this year, since it affords them limitless opportunities to engage in unfettered carousal without having to spare a thought to lectures or exams. E be like say na them dey even spoil the prayer sef. Psheew!
The issue has led me to do some thinking about why something that gives me so much agony (trust me, boredom does that) is a non-issue with some supposedly right-thinking people. I have come to the conclusion that people have different priorities and concerns, depending on their station in life and the current situation. For example, I am so certain that Asari-Dokubo does not care one bit about my ASUU problem, nor does Cecilia Ibru or Eraustus Akingbola care about whether I'm released from my home-jail soon (no pun intended), just as I honestly do not give a f**k (or two) about whether Alhaji Yar' Adua is dying or not (and vice-versa).
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, though I think I'll find out by the time I'm through. Nigeria is a great nation with good people (or so Prof. Dora Akunyili thinks), referred to by none but themselves as the "Giant of Africa" (who dash una)...in reality Nigeria is just an overgrown baby that is stuck in a deep dungwell (read that as deep sh*t). Enmeshed in many problems and governed by an vison-lacking leadership which is unfortunately headed (at least in name) by a sick man who is pretending to be the President. This man has something he calls a 7-point agenda which is supposed to be the compass for his leadership, but I think he also has something called a "Pain-in-the-ass List", which outlines our national problems in descending order (it obviously is none of our business, so he hasn't read it to us). I haven't seen it, but I guess it should be something like this;
My Pains In The Posterior (note he didn't say 'ass', that'd be politically incorrect).
1. My health - Wallahi, this is such a big thorn in my flesh. I wonder how those old colleagues of mine expect me to have their time, when I'm battling with this cocktail of illnesses.
2. Niger-Delta crises - these boys, Okah, Boyloaf, Tompolo and the rest are just crazy. This amnesty palaver is straining me...that's not good for my health AT ALL. Obasanjo, help me out!!!
3. Banking sector reforms - I wish they could just leave those people alone...but I'm powerless, even though I'm the President.
4. Boko Haram - I just hope no one ever reveals the true masterminds...that won't augur well for anybody. I won't mention names, lest someone sees this list.
5. Power issues - Not that I care that much, anyway. Besides, this generator and diesel people are too powerful for me o. I'd rather just let the sleeping lions lie...rather than twist their tails by solving this national nightmare.
6. Education Sector - No comment...
"No comment!" On the issue that hurts me most! This man must be insane. That's the most frustrating part of the whole situation; the fact that for the past two weeks, nobody (at least nobody that can directly influence the strike favorably) seems to be saying anything about it. It appears, that they have forgotten about the strike, or if they remember, they do not care in the least bit about the matter. Obviously, my problem is not their concern in any way, otherwise, won't they even pretend to be interested in the matter, by discussing (and 'negotiating') it? As for that Mr. Hapless Cretin a.k.a. Sam Egwu, I think he should just resign, then commit suicide shortly afterwards. For starters, I can't imagine a former governor being so desirous of public office (note that I didn't say 'service') that he would accept to serve in the cabinet (i.e. at the pleasure) of a fellow ex-governor like himself, who by some silly trick of fate, happens to be the President's official representative (no, that's not a typo). That is still acceptable, at least going by the considerably low level of politicians in this country, but I think it is absoulutely absurd for a minister to have such a colossal crisis on his hands (the entire educational sector is on strike) and remain a disinterested observer.
Come to think of it, I am writing this as if it is going to make a dent in their sound-proof armor (that insulates them from public criticism and the groanings of the people whose welfare and interests they are sworn to seek) when it is almost certain that this piece (they'll probably add 'of shit') counts for nothing. Besides, on a very personal note - very, because this whole article is basically inspired by my personal frustration - even when (or if) they call off this ill-considered strike, my school, the infamous Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye, will most probably proceed on another strike; so all of you who share that demographic characteristic with me, might as well abandon the idea of schooling totally, (ladies, go get married...dudes, go learn a trade) but how do you just walk away from a law degree in part 5? So I'll just remove the 'A' from my name and become Job (lol); "all the days of my appointed time will I wait, until my change comes". Please Ms. Change, come quickly o!
When the rumors of another ASUU strike began going the rounds, I was a bit happy with the idea of getting a break from the school environment (an overdose of that Ago-Iwoye environment is definitely not safe for anyone's mental health), if only for three weeks. However, after spending two months and more at home (talk of weeks becoming months), with only-God-knows-how-many more months to go in this 'indefinite' industrial action, I'm starting to itch for that supposedly toxic school environment. Now that's a gross understatement; I am super-sick of sitting my not-so-flat posterior at home. Spending time at home has never been a bad idea, in fact, it could be really good, (especially with folks like mine) but two straight months is pushing it to the extreme...it could be counterproductive. I have been trying to console myself by saying that it has to be the will of God - considering that everybody seems to be praying about it - but that line is getting rather hackneyed. While I am here whining and grumbling about the puerile show of shame between ASUU and the FG, some people (who claim to be my friends) see this strike as the best thing to have happened this year, since it affords them limitless opportunities to engage in unfettered carousal without having to spare a thought to lectures or exams. E be like say na them dey even spoil the prayer sef. Psheew!
The issue has led me to do some thinking about why something that gives me so much agony (trust me, boredom does that) is a non-issue with some supposedly right-thinking people. I have come to the conclusion that people have different priorities and concerns, depending on their station in life and the current situation. For example, I am so certain that Asari-Dokubo does not care one bit about my ASUU problem, nor does Cecilia Ibru or Eraustus Akingbola care about whether I'm released from my home-jail soon (no pun intended), just as I honestly do not give a f**k (or two) about whether Alhaji Yar' Adua is dying or not (and vice-versa).
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, though I think I'll find out by the time I'm through. Nigeria is a great nation with good people (or so Prof. Dora Akunyili thinks), referred to by none but themselves as the "Giant of Africa" (who dash una)...in reality Nigeria is just an overgrown baby that is stuck in a deep dungwell (read that as deep sh*t). Enmeshed in many problems and governed by an vison-lacking leadership which is unfortunately headed (at least in name) by a sick man who is pretending to be the President. This man has something he calls a 7-point agenda which is supposed to be the compass for his leadership, but I think he also has something called a "Pain-in-the-ass List", which outlines our national problems in descending order (it obviously is none of our business, so he hasn't read it to us). I haven't seen it, but I guess it should be something like this;
My Pains In The Posterior (note he didn't say 'ass', that'd be politically incorrect).
1. My health - Wallahi, this is such a big thorn in my flesh. I wonder how those old colleagues of mine expect me to have their time, when I'm battling with this cocktail of illnesses.
2. Niger-Delta crises - these boys, Okah, Boyloaf, Tompolo and the rest are just crazy. This amnesty palaver is straining me...that's not good for my health AT ALL. Obasanjo, help me out!!!
3. Banking sector reforms - I wish they could just leave those people alone...but I'm powerless, even though I'm the President.
4. Boko Haram - I just hope no one ever reveals the true masterminds...that won't augur well for anybody. I won't mention names, lest someone sees this list.
5. Power issues - Not that I care that much, anyway. Besides, this generator and diesel people are too powerful for me o. I'd rather just let the sleeping lions lie...rather than twist their tails by solving this national nightmare.
6. Education Sector - No comment...
"No comment!" On the issue that hurts me most! This man must be insane. That's the most frustrating part of the whole situation; the fact that for the past two weeks, nobody (at least nobody that can directly influence the strike favorably) seems to be saying anything about it. It appears, that they have forgotten about the strike, or if they remember, they do not care in the least bit about the matter. Obviously, my problem is not their concern in any way, otherwise, won't they even pretend to be interested in the matter, by discussing (and 'negotiating') it? As for that Mr. Hapless Cretin a.k.a. Sam Egwu, I think he should just resign, then commit suicide shortly afterwards. For starters, I can't imagine a former governor being so desirous of public office (note that I didn't say 'service') that he would accept to serve in the cabinet (i.e. at the pleasure) of a fellow ex-governor like himself, who by some silly trick of fate, happens to be the President's official representative (no, that's not a typo). That is still acceptable, at least going by the considerably low level of politicians in this country, but I think it is absoulutely absurd for a minister to have such a colossal crisis on his hands (the entire educational sector is on strike) and remain a disinterested observer.
Come to think of it, I am writing this as if it is going to make a dent in their sound-proof armor (that insulates them from public criticism and the groanings of the people whose welfare and interests they are sworn to seek) when it is almost certain that this piece (they'll probably add 'of shit') counts for nothing. Besides, on a very personal note - very, because this whole article is basically inspired by my personal frustration - even when (or if) they call off this ill-considered strike, my school, the infamous Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye, will most probably proceed on another strike; so all of you who share that demographic characteristic with me, might as well abandon the idea of schooling totally, (ladies, go get married...dudes, go learn a trade) but how do you just walk away from a law degree in part 5? So I'll just remove the 'A' from my name and become Job (lol); "all the days of my appointed time will I wait, until my change comes". Please Ms. Change, come quickly o!
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