MY PROBLEM, NOT THEIRS

ASUU. If you ask your average kid what the acronym stands for, I bet he'll probably tell you something like; "I don't know it's full meaning, but I think the 's' stands for 'strike'. I don't know if that's what your kid sibling would say, but I'm sure that's what I'd have thought at that age. Just in case you haven't heard about them, I'm referring to that body of irresponsible old men (forgive me if your parent(s) are members) whom we call lecturers, who apparently think that demolition is the only way to construct...as if they don't renovate their own houses. The fellows who are partly at fault for almost everything I've written recently, and the main reason why the E-Centre is always crowded, not to mention why Centage Superstar has so many applicants. Those people who are enjoying an undeserved vacation (with pay, of course) and leaving some youths (who are not really interested in school, anyway) with way too much spare time on their hands...and we claim to want to reduce crime rate. Okay o.

When the rumors of another ASUU strike began going the rounds, I was a bit happy with the idea of getting a break from the school environment (an overdose of that Ago-Iwoye environment is definitely not safe for anyone's mental health), if only for three weeks. However, after spending two months and more at home (talk of weeks becoming months), with only-God-knows-how-many more months to go in this 'indefinite' industrial action, I'm starting to itch for that supposedly toxic school environment. Now that's a gross understatement; I am super-sick of sitting my not-so-flat posterior at home. Spending time at home has never been a bad idea, in fact, it could be really good, (especially with folks like mine) but two straight months is pushing it to the extreme...it could be counterproductive. I have been trying to console myself by saying that it has to be the will of God - considering that everybody seems to be praying about it - but that line is getting rather hackneyed. While I am here whining and grumbling about the puerile show of shame between ASUU and the FG, some people (who claim to be my friends) see this strike as the best thing to have happened this year, since it affords them limitless opportunities to engage in unfettered carousal without having to spare a thought to lectures or exams. E be like say na them dey even spoil the prayer sef. Psheew!

The issue has led me to do some thinking about why something that gives me so much agony (trust me, boredom does that) is a non-issue with some supposedly right-thinking people. I have come to the conclusion that people have different priorities and concerns, depending on their station in life and the current situation. For example, I am so certain that Asari-Dokubo does not care one bit about my ASUU problem, nor does Cecilia Ibru or Eraustus Akingbola care about whether I'm released from my home-jail soon (no pun intended), just as I honestly do not give a f**k (or two) about whether Alhaji Yar' Adua is dying or not (and vice-versa).

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, though I think I'll find out by the time I'm through. Nigeria is a great nation with good people (or so Prof. Dora Akunyili thinks), referred to by none but themselves as the "Giant of Africa" (who dash una)...in reality Nigeria is just an overgrown baby that is stuck in a deep dungwell (read that as deep sh*t). Enmeshed in many problems and governed by an vison-lacking leadership which is unfortunately headed (at least in name) by a sick man who is pretending to be the President. This man has something he calls a 7-point agenda which is supposed to be the compass for his leadership, but I think he also has something called a "Pain-in-the-ass List", which outlines our national problems in descending order (it obviously is none of our business, so he hasn't read it to us). I haven't seen it, but I guess it should be something like this;

My Pains In The Posterior (note he didn't say 'ass', that'd be politically incorrect).

1. My health - Wallahi, this is such a big thorn in my flesh. I wonder how those old colleagues of mine expect me to have their time, when I'm battling with this cocktail of illnesses.
2. Niger-Delta crises - these boys, Okah, Boyloaf, Tompolo and the rest are just crazy. This amnesty palaver is straining me...that's not good for my health AT ALL. Obasanjo, help me out!!!
3. Banking sector reforms - I wish they could just leave those people alone...but I'm powerless, even though I'm the President.
4. Boko Haram - I just hope no one ever reveals the true masterminds...that won't augur well for anybody. I won't mention names, lest someone sees this list.
5. Power issues - Not that I care that much, anyway. Besides, this generator and diesel people are too powerful for me o. I'd rather just let the sleeping lions lie...rather than twist their tails by solving this national nightmare.
6. Education Sector - No comment...

"No comment!" On the issue that hurts me most! This man must be insane. That's the most frustrating part of the whole situation; the fact that for the past two weeks, nobody (at least nobody that can directly influence the strike favorably) seems to be saying anything about it. It appears, that they have forgotten about the strike, or if they remember, they do not care in the least bit about the matter. Obviously, my problem is not their concern in any way, otherwise, won't they even pretend to be interested in the matter, by discussing (and 'negotiating') it? As for that Mr. Hapless Cretin a.k.a. Sam Egwu, I think he should just resign, then commit suicide shortly afterwards. For starters, I can't imagine a former governor being so desirous of public office (note that I didn't say 'service') that he would accept to serve in the cabinet (i.e. at the pleasure) of a fellow ex-governor like himself, who by some silly trick of fate, happens to be the President's official representative (no, that's not a typo). That is still acceptable, at least going by the considerably low level of politicians in this country, but I think it is absoulutely absurd for a minister to have such a colossal crisis on his hands (the entire educational sector is on strike) and remain a disinterested observer.
Come to think of it, I am writing this as if it is going to make a dent in their sound-proof armor (that insulates them from public criticism and the groanings of the people whose welfare and interests they are sworn to seek) when it is almost certain that this piece (they'll probably add 'of shit') counts for nothing. Besides, on a very personal note - very, because this whole article is basically inspired by my personal frustration - even when (or if) they call off this ill-considered strike, my school, the infamous Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye, will most probably proceed on another strike; so all of you who share that demographic characteristic with me, might as well abandon the idea of schooling totally, (ladies, go get married...dudes, go learn a trade) but how do you just walk away from a law degree in part 5? So I'll just remove the 'A' from my name and become Job (lol); "all the days of my appointed time will I wait, until my change comes". Please Ms. Change, come quickly o!