MY FAVORITE GOVERNOR

WARNING: This piece may be considered rather long and therefore boring, and reader discretion is advised for people who do not fancy lengthy newspaper editorials, the politically apathetic, and those who are privileged to have their abode in the beautiful Lagos State.
The following classes of people may find this article extremely offensive.
i. The Governor of Ogun State and his family members
ii. Political office holders who are his cronies
iii. Unrealistic individuals who love this man
iv. Lovers of bad governance all over the world.



Nobody in my family can exactly be referred to as an avid political observer or a passionate socio-political commentator, (including my Dad and I) but there is one political topic that always get's everybody in my house interested, the mention of which sees everybody contributing humorously, and at times, vigorously and bitterly. It is the matter of our 'amiable governor', the governor of Ogun State, Otunba Gbenga Daniel who is currently serving his second term.I stay in Ota, so if you are even slightly familiar with on-goings in that town, and the general feelings of inhabitants towards the man, you should already understand that the heading of this piece is ultra-ironic (even the blind can see).

It is practically impossible to drive anywhere in Ogun State without making mention of OGD's (as he calls himself) name, for two reasons. Firstly, the roads are in such a horrible state of disrepair that even the most apathetic citizen will instantly be transformed into a socio-political activist by just taking a ride through say, Ilo-Awela Road. Damn (forgive my language) that road is terribly terrible. Many dead okada riders will serve as testimony (though not as witnesses, unfortunately) to that fact, as that road drove some trailer-drivers to shove them into their untimely graves. Now don't get me wrong, this man actually does construct roads through his pet agency – OGROMA (Otunba Gbenga Rolling Money Away, according to Mr. Ogunsakin), but the problem is that the roads are so substandard that a week or two after construction, they start getting bad, and a few months after, there is almost no sign that the road was ever tarred.

The second reason is that the state is painted all over in OGD (whatever color that is). Everywhere you go (apologies to MTN) there's always a billboard with the man's ever-smiling (I wonder what's so funny) face, his popular slogan "... a secured future", and some silly self-praising punchlines that would make Jay-Z envious. The guy is so good at those things, he should have been a rapper (oh, sorry I forgot...he doesn't do those things himself; they're always erected by some faceless movement, or a local government). I'm just going to tell you some stories about this (satanically) enigmatic man which you might find interesting (though I don't find them funny at all).

'Sometimes' (haha, very funny) in August, I went to Agbara Estate with my 'bros' who is a lawyer, who also doesn't like OGD that much (he detests him, actually). On our way, we saw a billboard, at Lusada market with the line “Ride on OGD, we’ve never had it so good”. The most interesting thing about this billboard was that it was located right in front of a ditch-deep pothole. We laughed about this for some time, as we proceeded on our journey. The journey was without event till we got somewhere, where we saw another billboard with the powerful hook; “OGD news, good news”. This elicited no comment from anybody, just sneers, which was what that deserved, anyway. There are a lot of these billboards all over Abeokuta, but I will say nothing since the place is relatively good (road-wise at least). There are also myriads of them in Ijebu-North Local Government Area, but that’s easy to understand, considering that the man is from there.

Speaking of LGA’s let’s get back to base, my own LGA – Ado-Odo Ota Local Government Area. Right in front of the secretariat is a billboard that reads “CYT like OGD” (i.e. the Local Govt. Chairman…the Governor). The stretch of road off which this secretariat is situate, lying and being along is a pothole mat; it is practically impossible (except you’re a fayawo) to exceed 20kmp/h on that road. I’m not exaggerating. The secretariat has a big broken portion on its fence, which has remained that way for many months and Mr. CYT (who is like OGD) has not even though it fit to fix it. Isn’t that crazily irresponsible?

At Ilisan-Remo roundabout is another pro-OGD billboard with a picture of his cap (can you beat that?) with a tagline “the symbol…he must be encouraged…he must be appreciated…” The road at this point is good but shortly after the billboard, the tar disappears and gives way to a dusty, bumpy, gravelly road. He must be appreciated indeed. Yeye.

Now the one that takes the cake is the OGD – Yar’ Adua collabo, located at that Abeokuta-Papalanto-Sagamu roundabout. It is so goddamn hilarious. I saw it when I was going to pick my sister, Moji from school a few weeks ago. I couldn’t stop talking about it until I got to Ikenne. The punchline here was merely a merger of their trademark slogans, but I found it thoroughly amusing because it struck me as a disgraceful testament, a documented monument to governmental failure at both national and state levels. Super-shameful. It read; “Partnership That Works: 7 point Agenda for a Secured Future”. Imagine that (Jay-Z and R. Kelly on the flow…best of both tiers).

One day at the State High Court, Ota, which by the way is the most dilapidated and unkempt courthouse I’ve seen anywhere (not that I’ve seen too many), I was discussing with some fellow law students who were also at home under the ignominious auspices of this ungodly industrial action (ASUU strike). I was singing OGD’s praises (like I always do) when somebody made a remark about the man having a part-time job as a Chief Priest of a secret cult (no be me talk am o!). The guy said that it was that job that was hindering our esteemed Governor from discharging his gubernatorial duties with all propriety and diligence. I remember that someone noted (that must have been me) that there is nothing in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria that prohibits a Chief Priest from becoming a Governor, or vice-versa; so our man is still in order. No story.

I heard (actually saw a newspaper headline) that OGD accused the Lagos State Government of fuelling the crisis in Ogun State (by setting high standards, I think). To imagine that he could have said that, when this Governor of ours is said to live in Lagos! If that is true, then his coke addiction must be taking its toll on him; his mind seems to be taking a rather bad turn. Please believers, pray for him…as for me, my faith is weak.

This man must be given a lot of credit for some things, though. For one, he has revolutionized the face of politics in Ogun State; every politician there seems to have a three letter moniker. He also brought about (popularized, actually) the billboard propaganda scheme. It is not uncommon therefore, to see billboards with names such as IOB, CYT, (and XYZ, PIG, DOG, haha). The rest of the acts of King OGD, the female House of Assembly ex-speaker whom he had (or is still having) an amorous affair with, and the members of the House whom he took to a shrine to swear an oath, fully naked, are they not written in the chronicles of the Governors of Ogun State (you may have to be a Bible student to catch my drift here). And eh, since the dude wants to be a rapper, let me give him a tip; he could just re-arrange the letters of his nickname to form GOD, since that’s who he obviously thinks he is (but he should just make sure Rakim doesn’t get him o).

On a parting note, if anybody would be so kind as to get this across to the man (without my name, of course), please this quote I just coined might be good;

“It is shameful enough to be bad, but worse to be shameless”.



P.S. Let me just tell another tale from this state, since I just wrote about its Governor. About five days ago, my Dad and I were on our way to church, when some TRACE (OGD’s version of LASTMA) pulled us over, and some funny- looking guy with extremely yellow teeth and a commensurate awful breath stuck his head through the window to ask why we didn’t have an “EMISSION CONTROL” sticker on our car. All through my stay in this state (that has spanned over 16 years) I had never heard of anything like that…and neither had my Dad. Trust my Dad, he almost went ballistic over what he considered to be a cheap government-backed extortion scheme, and which I considered (and still do) to be nothing but a scam (you needed to have seen the tout). Anyway he told us that they’d have to test our car and if we passed, we’d go and pay a sum of N1,250 at one green container in one funny place (like say space no dey secretariat). Dull scam, ko gbodo je mi. As he (tout) was still speaking, one chain smoker of a pick-up truck passed by us and it wasn’t stopped. My Dad asked why, and Mr. Tout was left speechless, then when he spoke, he said we could leave, that he just wanted to inform us. Psheew! This whole affair occurred beside a road-side buka (you can imagine all that smoke) on a bad road, and those ones were not cautioned either. Anyway, that’s Ogun State for you.


Rather long, uh? I warned you!